peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
