when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
