You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
