Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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