spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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