You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
