I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
