My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
