She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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