Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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