There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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