Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
