I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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