walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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