first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
