Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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