Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
