I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm passing your future prison.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
