Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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