I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
