yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
