I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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