i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
