arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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