u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
