i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
