even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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