No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
