last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
