i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
