P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
