i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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