Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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