Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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