Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
