Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
