Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
