This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
