Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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