I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
