I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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