she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
