I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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