I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
