did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
PANTIES FOUND
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
