Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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