i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
