Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i dont even know how to be here
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
