I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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