Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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